omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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