Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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