I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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