Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
