You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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