Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Randomize
