He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
