sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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