The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
