he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
