Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
