I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
