Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize