If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He told me they were just razor bumps!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
