Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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