i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
