I'm so fucking centered right now
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
