So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
