Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
