Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
