dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
