He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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