just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
