I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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