I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
