i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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