Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
