You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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