he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
