When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
wow bdsm is so cute
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
