lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
