but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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