I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
