some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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