why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
