I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
