She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
