We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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