you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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