"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
