you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
