I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
