I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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