Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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