I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize