Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
