I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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