I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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