you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
