Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
