you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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