OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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