she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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