My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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