I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
