Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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