VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
