I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
