I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
