My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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