I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
