not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
