We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
