we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
