I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
