After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
