Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
