It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We are two peas in an std pod
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
