It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
