Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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