I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize