My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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