Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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