my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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