he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
