He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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