So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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