i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
