Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
