No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
