do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
