he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
