I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
