3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Nicole vs. Life
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
