he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
