its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
