The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
