Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do herpes really smell.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
