All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize