Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
