there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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