Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone signed my nipple.
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