Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
