he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
