Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
