tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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