Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
